Welcome back to another Not My Fandom, in which I attempt to take what is sure to be the newest upcoming pop-culture trend and try to figure out just what it’s all about. Without having ever read the source material.

It’s like the worst kind of experiment where all my facts are gleaned solely from Tumblr.

My very first attempt worked out super well for Divergent (except probably not, I actually have no idea) so I thought I’d take another stab with The Maze Runner.

AKA yet another book on my very very large “to eventually read” list. Hashtag bibliophile problems.

So without further ado — and with my sincere apologies to the entire fandom — let’s see what this Maze Runner fuss is all about. Via someone who knows next to nothing about it. Dammit internet.

Our heroes live in a dystopic society where children are kidnapped and sent to live outside of a giant maze in an area called the Glade for reasons. To appease the Gods? For a good harvest?

Either way, I guarantee you there is definitely a minotaur somewhere in that labyrinth.

It’s kinda like The Hunger Games. But for boys. You know, because they both feature frightening journeys via elevator.

No, not that elevator. The other one.

In the kids’ free time (when they are not sending runners into the maze to find a way to escape) they’re super busy building really accurate scale models.

This guy is our protagonist Stiles. Sometimes he’s a Teen Wolf, but not the kind that plays basketball in the 1980′s, the super sexy kind that teen girls love.

His love interest is Kaya Scodelario (AKA Effy Stonem, sister of Nicholas Hoult). They have some back story.

Unfortunately for her, she’s the only girl in all of the maze running. For her sake, I hope things don’t take a strange It style turn for the orgy.

Also there? The annoying ginger from Love Actually who became Jojen Reed. AKA The Maze Runner‘s exposition man. Good work Legolas.

And even though obviously the real enemy is whoever trapped them here for reasons that must involve a twist ending, the biggest dick of the movie is definitely this guy on the left. Go back to We’re the Millers!

That’s it. That’s The Maze Runner.

NAILED IT!

The Concept Art for Avengers: Age of Ultron Makes Us Super Excited (via The Superficial)

Since it was announced that Joss Whedon would be tackling everyone’s favorite superhero/villain brother-sister duo of the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver in the next Avengers film, the question was, “On a scale of 1 to 10 ridiculous how would they look?” Now we have some concept art that answers that question by responding, “Not ridiculous at all.” In fact, dare we say we are loving Scarlet Witch’s grunge look? You can check out all the concept art for Age of Ultron HERE.

Here’s the Wolf of Wall Street and “Game of Thrones” Mash-Up You Were Waiting For (via Gawker)

Kindly look away from the terrible title of terrible “The Dworf of Westeros” and instead focus on the perfect meshing of Kanye West’s “Black Skinhead” and the hilarious antics of Tyrion Lannister. It’s everything we could have wanted from our parody videos. Prepare yourselves, boobs, wine and Joffrey slapping is coming!

Batman Hilariously Takes on Some More Classic Movie Scenes (via YouTube)

Good news, Batman has once again snuck his way into classic movie scenes, making them infinitely more ridiculous. Spartacus has never been funnier. This is the third such offering from the group, who also imagined Batman murdering Ron Weasley for incorrectly pronouncing Leviosa in the original video and Batman seeing dead people in part two. We also highly recommend that Batman mash-up where Batman is put into Good Will Hunting.

Glamdring is Actually a Part of the Iron Throne!!! (via Geeks Are Sexy)

Thanks to Reddit, we now know that Gandalf’s sword Glamdring is one of the many swords that makes up the Iron Throne in HBO’s “Game of Thrones.” Although the real Iron Throne should actually be way more ridiculous and look like this. Regardless, we wonder if any more famous swords make up throne, and not just ones that involve Sean Bean’s many on-screen deaths.

Someone Imagined What Batman Villains Would Look Like as Sharks for Some Reason (via Geekologie)

In case not knowing what Batman villains look like as sharks keeps you up at night, artist Jeff Victor has answered that question. For reasons unknown. Spoilers: they’re actually imagined as cartoon sharks versus real sharks, because the illustrator was obviously on some serious drugs when these were drawn up. You can view all the shark-tastic villains HERE.

This is What it Would Be Like if Muzzy Taught You to Speak Dothraki (via The Huffington Post)

Children of the 90s, remember those instructional videos where the giant green cartoon monster Muzzy teaches you how to speak another language? Or at least remember the terrible commercial for them? Well you can relive all the nostalgia with a Muzzy parody about how Muzzy can now teach kids to speak Dothraki thanks to a giant cartoon Khal Drogo. Even better, Muzzy is also available in Hodor!

We Really Want Some of These Gorgeous Superhero Shoes (via Comics Alliance)

Thanks to the shoe company Shoes of Prey and their super awesome design your own shoes software, superhero shoes are now available for purchase! We’re especially in love with the Oxfords. You can BUY the pre-made DC and Marvel shoes from the superhero collection or of course design your own shoes inspired by whatever fandom your heart desires. We think we need some gorgeous Hogwarts themed shoes and stat.

Dorothy Must Die by Danielle Paige (Advanced Reader Copy)
Release Date: April 1, 2014
Genre: Fiction, young adult, horror, fantasy, I’ll get you and your little hyper-intelligent rat too MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Rating: 4.35 out of 5 stars

Summary: Amy Gunn is just your typical teenager in Kansas, until a tornado takes her to a very transformed Oz that’s slowly being destroyed by a devious Dorothy. Yes, that Oz and that Dorothy. Seems that Dorothy didn’t transition well once returning home to Kansas and came back to Oz a much different person than the sweet as pie heroine we know. Now it’s up to Amy to stop Dorothy’s reign of terror before all of Oz is stripped of its magic. Assuming she has the heart, brain and courage needed to complete the task.

I’m going to be honest, I did not expect to like Dorothy Must Die. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to like the book before I read it (the premise is right up my alley), but after prepping myself with the novella No Place Like Oz I just didn’t know what to expect. Mostly because the prequel was focused entirely on the hard to handle, extremely annoying Dorothy, who is tortured after wishing herself back home to the extremely dull Kansas. As a result, she returns to Oz where the magic of the realm slowly twists her and her Yellow Brick Road trio to the point where they are nothing like the loveable characters from the public domain books that we remember.

Thankfully, Dorothy Must Die was a completely different experience from No Place Like Oz, possibly because of a change in point of view from Dorothy (think worse than Veruca Salt demanding a golden goose) to the much more likeable and palatable Amy Gumm, who is most likely named after Frances Gumm, Judy Garland’s birth name. Amy has your typical Mary Sue-esque back story, she comes from a damaged home and is looking for something different when she is conveniently sent to another world by those pesky Kansas tornados, but with the added bonus of metaphors to make it slightly less predictable.

When she arrives in Oz, she meets various members of the revolution known as the Revolutionary Order of the Wicked, because every dystopia needs a rebellion. The group of witches, made up of Gert, Nox, Mombi and Glamora have one mission: train Amy to kill Dorothy and save Oz.

If you’re interested in turning the book into a drinking game, I highly recommend drinking when someone says the title of the book or makes a pun about being a Wicked Witch. For example, the “get Witch quick scheme” or “no rest for the Wicked.”

While the Dorothy from No Place Like Oz abuses her suddenly magical powers, kills her loved ones and is almost unbearable to read about, the Dorothy we see in the novel is a lot more palatable. Sure she has a tendency to dress in a ridiculous mockery of her once innocent gingham dress and ruby slipper combo, but she’s also so delightfully evil and so terrible that you can’t help but love to read about her. Even if she’s wearing a fishtail latex outfit with six-inch ruby slipper heels and all the cleavage. Yes, she’s villainous, but you will love to hate her. And can you blame her? She was ripped from this spectacular magical place and sent back to boring old Kansas, it’s bound to mess with you.

See also the wonderful novel The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making, which is about what happens to girls who are ripped from their fantastical lives and back into reality.

Dorothy is also incredibly messed up by the magic in her ruby slippers, which she has become addicted to to the point where she is destroying all of Oz’s natural resources. In order to gain enough magic to keep up her new lifestyle, Dorothy has her minions mining magic, or rather stealing magic from the land for Dorothy’s use. Unfortunately, by taking the magic they are also destroying Oz’s natural resources. This is used as both a metaphor for environmental issues and likens Dorothy to a drug addict.

For this reason, Amy compares Dorothy to the mother she left behind in Kansas, who was more concerned about getting high than she was about the safety of her own daughter. So much so that her only child was sucked into another dimension. Land? World? Reality? Universe?

Dorothy’s friends have also been corrupted. The Tin Woodman, who is now pathetically in love with Dorothy, has added dangerous weapons to his tin body to help him take down rebels. The so-called Grand Inquisitor of the Emerald Police and commander of the Tin Soldiers is helped along by the super brainy Scarecrow, who has become a Dr. Frankenstein-type, performing experiments to create soldiers by making them monstrous human-esque creatures who are part people and part machine. And then there’s the Lion, who is in control of all the animals of the forest (think Aquaman but blood-thirsty) and who has a nasty habit of eating people. Eating their fear that is. And their body parts.

Ozma (the true ruler of Oz) is also not doing so well at the hands of Dorothy. We don’t get to see too much of her as she’s basically insane now, but I loved the little glimpses we do get.

And no worries fans of those flying monkeys, they play a prominent role in Oz, with half cutting off their wings to escape from Dorothy’s rule and other half serving as slaves who bring Dorothy from place to place for her magic mining. For example, Ollie, whose entire family has been taken by Dorothy while he is tied to a post “for the crime of sass.” Something tells me I would not last long in this new Oz.

It’s not all about the characters either, Paige also gives us some great world building. Some fun new additions to the original Oz tales (besides the fact that Oz is now more like a dreary post-apocalyptic wasteland) are intriguing products like PermaSmile, a goo that forces your mouth into a smile. Citizens generally use PermaSmile around Dorothy as a precaution. After all, no one wants to break her Happiness Decree, which tells citizens that they must be happy under penalty of death. Remember that “Twilight Zone” episode with the little boy who can read minds and sends people who displease him to the cornfield? It’s basically like that, but instead of a mysterious cornfield you’re murdered and turned into a weird monster by the super creepy and lecherous Scarecrow.

The action-packed series will continue in the next Dorothy Must Die novel, which is expected to be out in 2015: Dorothy Must Die … Harder. Just kidding, that’s not the real title. But it should be.

THE GOOD:
-Nothing better than giving a classic story a dark and tragic twist
-Dorothy is so evil that you love to hate her
-Ozma is so tragic you want to hug her
-Great world building, especially within the Emerald City and the outlying lands
-You never know who to trust, which makes the story way less predictable

THE BAD:
-Excessive cursing has a tendency to pull you out of the novel
-The goth munchkin was a tad much, although her moving tattoos a la The Illustrated Man were great

Described as The Wonderful Wizard of Oz meets Kill Bill, Dorothy Must Die will continue with some more novellas, two more books (it’s supposedly a trilogy) and even a rumored CW series. Although there is no other information on that besides a studio in talks to turn the book series into a television show. On the plus side, it has to be better than that “Supernatural” episode that shall not be named.

Mark Gatiss — who helps write the far superior Steven Moffat show “Sherlock” — will be writing two episodes for the brand new Doctor Peter Capaldi, and now he’s hinting that one of those may be centered around Jane Austen!

Fuckity yeah!

Please don’t just be teasing us Mark Gatiss, we really need a good “Doctor Who” episode, it makes us sad that we’ve started referring to it as “Doctor Who Cares?”

“One of the things which new “Doctor Who” sort of invented was the idea of a celebrity historical – Charles Dickens, Agatha Christie, Winston Churchill, Shakespeare,” Gatiss explained in a recent interview. “There’s three writers there so I think Jane Austen stands quite a quite a good chance actually.”

He went on to joke, “ I’m not quite sure what the adventure would be. Maybe an alien posing as Mr Darcy.”

Hmmm… Yeah, we would watch that.

(via: The Mary Sue)

In one book being turned into a billion movies news, the newest J.K. Rowling book turned movie Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them will be three movies.

That’s right, for absolutely no reason. Yay.

As we previously reported with slightly less sarcasm, the screenplay will be penned by none other than indentured House Elf, J.K. Rowling.

Warner Bros. revealed the news, basically telling everyone what they already knew when they said in a statement:

Three megamovies are planned. The main character will be a “magizoologist” named Newt Scamander. The stories, neither prequels or sequels, will start in New York about seven decades before the arrival of Mr. Potter and his pals.

Kindly throw some Dumbledore/Grindelwald loving in and we may consider being less harsh about all this.

(via: Jezebel)

Remember that “Game of Thrones” rap album no one wanted or asked for that you already blocked out? Well there’s a much better “Game of Thrones” album now called “Shame of Tones” which is the best kind of April Fool’s Day present of all time.

Read: it’s hilarious, awesome and not just an idea that we can’t enjoy. It’s real people! This is not a drill!

We’re slightly partial to “Lannista’s Paradise,” although we have to say the real winner is “Total Eclipse of House Stark.” Followed shortly by Pearl Jam’s “Even Flow” which only has one lyric: Hodor!

The albums offerings include:

1. “Another Dick on the Wall” (a parody of “Another Brick in the Wall”)
2. “Arya Gonna Make Them Pay” (“Are You Gonna Go My Way”)
3. “Dr****s in Essos” (“Ni***s in Paris”)
4. “Even Flowdor” (“Even Flow”)
5. “Lannista’s Paradise” (“Gangsta’s in Paradise”)
6. “Red Wedding” (“White Wedding”)
7. “Total Eclipse of House Stark (“Total Eclipse of the Heart”)

You can download the entire album FOR FREE HERE. Praise the seven!

(via: The Mary Sue)

Even though winter is taking its sweet time getting to Westeros (not to mention those White Walkers and certain dragons) Season 4 arrives today! Celebrate the premiere with these Season 4 specific offerings from around the internet.

The “Game of Thrones” Honest Trailer Has All the Boobs and All the Death (via Rickey)

Honest Trailers is finally taking on “Game of Thrones,” the show based on “fiction’s most notorious serial-killer” George R. R. Martin’s book series. The trailer humorously takes aim at the show’s sexposition, hard to keep track of eight billion person cast and how no one who is in any way related to Sean Bean is safe. Except for Faramir, that guy is immortal. Dude lived through 300. And no one lived through 300.

We Cannot Stop Listening to This Auto-Tuned Musical Tribute “The Dragon’s Daughter” (via Laughing Squid)

The group Melody Sheep has gone ahead and turned “Game of Thrones” into a super addictive musical complete with offerings from Daenerys Targaryen, the Night’s Watch, Syrio “Not Today” Forel and a whole slew of others. With a whole lot of help from auto-tune. Thanks auto-tune, we love you.

Here Are All 5,179 On-Screen Deaths Set to Fun Music (via Sploid)

If there are two things “Game of Thrones” has in abundance, it’s sex and violence. Here’s the violence end, with a super-cut of all 5,179 on-screen deaths set to the not all that appropriate (but super amusing) “Put on a Happy Face.” The Red Wedding has never been so cheery. And if the death toll sounds crazy, most of these are from the Battle of Blackwater.

College Humor Attempts to Recap Seasons 1 to 3 of the Series (via Hypable)

Failing completely at recaps is College Humor, who gets names, events and characters completely wrong to the point where it devolves into the most ridiculous mess imaginable. Remember when Jimmy Lannister is killed and gets turned into candlesticks and Danny Tanner saves those three dragons from that mill fire, all while completely unaware that Sir Richard Carlisle is madly in love with her? Or that time the show went to Mordor and Tatooine? Us either. Regardless, we hope Richard Carlisle and Madmartigan defeat the witch in time. You can watch the non WP embeddable version HERE.

Try Not to Sing-Along to This Nightmare Before Christmas Parody “Who’s This?” (via Tastefully Offensive)

This adorably animated video combines the song “What’s This?” from Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas and gives it a Westeros spin with our narrator singing about Seasons 1 to 3 of the hit HBO show. The blood! The screams! They’re everywhere and all around!

You Can Help Bring Down This Statue of King Joffrey (via The Mary Sue)

In the strangest series tie-in, SKY TV in New Zealand has constructed a King Joffrey statue which you can help topple by tweeting the hashtag #bringdowntheking. The more the tag is tweeted the more a rope tied around the statue will pull before Joffrey comes crashing down. And it’s all being live-streamed HERE.

For Some Reason Quiznos Created This Hilarious “House of Cards” Mash-up (via New Now Next)

Apparently Quiznos has a parody website, and they used it to send “House of Cards” villain Frank Underwood to Westeros to take over the seven kingdoms and kill everyone who lives there. Special props go out to this actor’s Kevin Spacey impression and his not so subtle Quiznos product placement during the Purple Wedding. Can “House of Thrones” be a thing now?

Good news “Game of Thrones” fans, HBO has officially renewed their hit series for Seasons 5 and 6, meaning winter will be coming through 2016!

Which should give author George R. R. Martin plenty of time to finish those last two books. Insert us crying and laughing forever here.

The network ultimately made the decision after realizing that they had nothing else going for them besides “True Detective.”

Or you know, because the Season 4 premiere of “Thrones” pulled in 6.6 million viewers, which went up to 8.2 after replays were taken into account.

Here’s a hint, you might want to turn in next week too for a super awesome wedding episode! Move aside Red Wedding, the Purple Wedding is almost here to steal some of your thunder!

(via: Hypable)

The Eye of Zoltar: A Last Dragonslayer Novel by Jasper Fforde

Orphaned sixteen-year-old Jennifer Strange runs Kazam, a Mystical Arts Management company that rents out wizards for cash. The Mighty Shandar tells Jennifer that if she finds a mysterious jewel named The Eye of Zoltar, he will spare the dragons he didn’t manage to kill in Book One.

It is said the Eye was last seen around the neck of the really very legendary and not at all likely Sky Captain Morgan, who reputedly plunders jetliners from the back of the equally legendary and probably not real Leviathan, a kind of flying manta ray the size of a coach.

Meanwhile, the King and Queen of Snodd thinks that Jennifer, ‘a young lady of considerable daring, moral worth and resourcefulness’ should take over the tutelage of the hideous spoiled teenage Princess Shazzine, in order that she learns to rule with distinction once the King and Queen are gone.

Jennifer agrees with some reluctance, and together, she, trainee magician Perkins and the princess – cunningly and without any originality disguised as a handmaiden – cross into the neighbouring Cambrian Empire, a dangerous country strewn with peril and a focus for bored daredevils seeking perilous adventures as a form of Jeopardy Tourism.

After procuring a tour guide aged ten named Addie, they venture deep into the heart of the most dangerous place in the most dangerous place in the whole Ununited Kingdoms: The Empty Quarter, within which lies their goal: The legendary Leviathan’s Graveyard, inconveniently perched at the very top of the mountain known as Cadir Idris, its lofty summit permanently shrouded in cloud.

Many people have visited the mountain, but none have returned. Perhaps the legend of Sky Pirate Morgan and the Leviathans are true – or perhaps the clouds that obscure the summit hide a far deeper secret. Pretty soon the Princess, Addie, Jennifer and Perkins are fighting the powers of darkness not just for their lives, but for everything they know and love…

WHY WE’RE EXCITED: Okay, so to be technical, this book doesn’t come out in the UK until the 10th and until October in the US, but we’re sharing it now because YAY NEW JASPER FFORDE book! Although really, when will be getting that Shades of Grey sequel we’ve been waiting for since 2009?

Rebel Belle by Rachel Hawkins

Harper Price, peerless Southern belle, was born ready for a Homecoming tiara. But after a strange run-in at the dance imbues her with incredible abilities, Harper’s destiny takes a turn for the seriously weird. She becomes a Paladin, one of an ancient line of guardians with agility, super strength and lethal fighting instincts.

Just when life can’t get any more disastrously crazy, Harper finds out who she’s charged to protect: David Stark, school reporter, subject of a mysterious prophecy and possibly Harper’s least favorite person. But things get complicated when Harper starts falling for him–and discovers that David’s own fate could very well be to destroy Earth.

With snappy banter, cotillion dresses, non-stop action and a touch of magic, this new young adult series from bestseller Rachel Hawkins is going to make y’all beg for more.

WHY WE’RE EXCITED: Did you not read that pun-tastic title? In the midnight hour she cried, “More more more,” she’s a rebel belle, she cried, “More more more!” Sure, it’s no Hold Me Closer, Necromancer, but we’ll take it.

Dreams of Gods & Monsters by Laini Taylor

By way of a staggering deception, Karou has taken control of the chimaera rebellion and is intent on steering its course away from dead-end vengeance. The future rests on her, if there can even be a future for the chimaera in war-ravaged Eretz.

Common enemy, common cause.

When Jael’s brutal seraph army trespasses into the human world, the unthinkable becomes essential, and Karou and Akiva must ally their enemy armies against the threat. It is a twisted version of their long-ago dream, and they begin to hope that it might forge a way forward for their people.

And, perhaps, for themselves. Toward a new way of living, and maybe even love.

But there are bigger threats than Jael in the offing. A vicious queen is hunting Akiva, and, in the skies of Eretz … something is happening. Massive stains are spreading like bruises from horizon to horizon; the great winged stormhunters are gathering as if summoned, ceaselessly circling, and a deep sense of wrong pervades the world.

What power can bruise the sky?

From the streets of Rome to the caves of the Kirin and beyond, humans, chimaera and seraphim will fight, strive, love, and die in an epic theater that transcends good and evil, right and wrong, friend and enemy.

At the very barriers of space and time, what do gods and monsters dream of? And does anything else matter?

WHY WE’RE EXCITED: It’s the final book in the far too fantastic Daughter of Smoke & Bone trilogy! Seriously, read this series and read it now!

“Game of Thrones” and Frozen Finally Got the Mash-up You Were Waiting For (via /Film)

The internet loves two things right now: HBO’s hit fantasy drama “Game of Thrones” (RIP Jaime Lannister’s character development!) and Disney’s Frozen. So obviously when the two join forces they’re unstoppable. Because Jon Snow never bothered me anyway. In the hilariously titled video “Let it Go(T),” the Oscar-winning songs gets some epic fantasy lyrics about how Bran is the worst, Sansa is basically in her 30s now and it’s hard to keep track of all the old bearded men.

Boston is Getting the Sweetest Edgar Allan Poe Statue (via i09)

Apparently the most awesome statue ever is coming to Boston, in the form of Edgar Allen Poe and a giant raven. Yeah, we need to visit this when it’s done. The bronze statue (you can check out the clay model of it above) will be unveiled on October 5, 2014 in the aptly named Edgar Allan Poe Square.

You Can Now Take Online Classes at Hogwarts (via Geekosystem)

Want to be fully immersed in the Harry Potter experience but think that Pottermore is a little light on the academics? That’s where Hogwarts is Here comes in. Once you finally receive your acceptance letter, you choose a house (if you want to be sorted, we suggest using Pottermore for that) and then are free to enroll in classes. Bonus: the entire experience is free, but as expected, the majority of the students identify with Ravenclaw.

So George R. R. Martin Definiely Shouldn’t Be a Wedding Planner (via Laughing Squid)

In addition to being bad at writing books in a timely manner, “Game of Thrones” author George R. R. Martin is a terrible wedding planner. Ain’t no wedding like a “Game of Thrones” wedding because a “Game of Thrones” wedding ends in death and despair! So if you want a wedding that involves assassins and your guests being murdered, then by all means hire GRRM, the sassiest (and bloodiest) wedding planner in all of Westeros. It’s cool, he also does funerals.

These Disney Characters Were Sorted into Hogwarts Houses (via On Wednesdays We Wear Pink)

Just in case you were wondering, DeviantArt user Eira1893 has imagined various Disney characters as they would appear attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry. The cliques are strong with these wizards.

Scott Westerfeld’s Special ARC Cover Has the Best Special ARC Cover (via Scott Westerfeld)

Winning in the best ARC cover category of this award show we just made up is Scott Westerfeld’s upcoming novel Afterworlds, which is about author Darcy and the time she takes off from college to publish her young adult novel. It’s two books in one! Our favorite quote has to go to author Shannon Hale and her question, “Who the **** is Scott Westerfeld?” Sadly these are super limited edition ARCs and you’d have to be very lucky to get your hands on one of the 200 that are in circulation.

“Game of Thrones” Gets a Musical Parody Medley (via Rickey)

Sure they could use better wigs, but we can’t get enough of these “Game of Thrones” musicals, which include the amazingly auto-tuned song “The Dragon’s Daughter” and the Ultimate Rap Battle, both of which it’s sort of hard to top. Still, we appreciate this parody medley which takes the houses of Westeros and gives them pop songs to sing their hearts out to. With “Game of Thrones” appropriate lyrics of course. Props to the Lannisters for their super ridiculous cover of Katy Perry’s “Roar.”

DC Bombshell Prints Are Way Cheaper Than DC Bombshells (via The Mary Sue)

DC has some gorgeous figures in their Bombshell line, but just in case you don’t have the cash or the space to own the 3D versions, prints are now available of the Bombshells! You can snag the 2D versions of all your favorite DC heroes and villains as pin-ups HERE for the low low price of $14.95 per print.

The third and very last movie in the unnecessary Hobbit trilogy is undergoing a name change from The Hobbit: There and Back Again to the much flashier sounding The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies.

Yeah, just ignore the book it was originally based off of. No biggie.

Based on the title alone, we assume it will contain that one big battle where all those main characters die and we still get zero appearances from Tom Bombdadil.

In all seriousness though, The Battle of the Five Armies refers to an upcoming fight between the Goblins and Wargs against the Men of Dale, Elves, Dwarves, Eagles and that pesky Shape-shifter Benedict Cumberbatch. Or rather Beorn the Bear Man.

Yeah, math that one out.

Peter Jackson defended/explained the decision to change the title on his Facebook page, writing:

“There and Back Again” felt like the right name for the second of a two film telling of the quest to reclaim Erebor, when Bilbo’s arrival there, and departure, were both contained within the second film. But with three movies, it suddenly felt misplaced—after all, Bilbo has already arrived “there” in the “Desolation of Smaug”.

…

After viewing the movie, we all agreed there is now one title that feels completely appropriate.

And so: “The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies” it is.

As Professor Tolkien intended, “There and Back Again” encompasses Bilbo’s entire adventure, so don’t be surprised if you see it used on a future box-set of all three movies.

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies will hit theatres in December of this year, and in celebration you should probably just re-watch The Return of the King.

(via: Hypable)

Ommegang Brewery has already given us the “Game of Thrones” themed beers Iron Throne Blonde Ale, Take the Black Stout (the best named one if you ask us) and Fire and Blood Red Ale, and now Valar Morghulis is coming!

Because all men must die. But first, all men must drink.

Not to be confused with Valar Dohaeris, all men must serve … alcohol.

According to press release by Ommegang, the beer (which was chosen by viewer vote) was inspire by revenge. And it never tasted so sweet.

Valar Morghulis is an Old Valyrian saying closely associated with the desire for vengeance. A Belgian-style Dubbel was chosen to capture the sweetness of revenge as well as the dangerous consequences that come with it.

We don’t know about you, but the bottle looks a little chubby to us. Perhaps it should lay off all that beer.

Each cork is also emblazoned with the phrase Valar Dohaeris, the typical response to the Valyrian Valar Morghulis.

You’ll be able to catch the new beer this fall. And then after that we think they should go back to puns. Mother of Flagons? Anyone?

(via Mashable)

To raise money for the Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary in New Mexico and the Food Depot of Santa Fe, author George R. R. Martin is auctioning off a chance to appear in his Song of Ice and Fire series as a character of your choosing.

Only to be killed off with a not so surprising death of a grisly nature.

So what will it cost you to be added into the epic fantasy series? Oh, you know, just the $20,000 you happen to have lying around anyway.

Although sadly the tier level is already sold out.

According to the website however, this is what the purchasers can expect:

You’ll get the incredibly exclusive opportunity to have George name a character after you in a future A Song of Ice and Fire novel. There is one male character and one female character available. You can choose your character’s station in the world (lordling, knight, peasant, whore, lady, maester, septon, anything) and you will certainly meet a grisly death!

So basically they should be receiving their reward in the next decade or so.

Other prizes of note include a helicopter ride with GRRM, a visit to the wolf sanctuary, breakfast with the author and a chance to ask him about ASoIaF. AKA beg him not to kill off your favorite character.

(via: Huffington Post)

The young adult, science fiction, fractured fairy tale series The Lunar Chronicles was only supposed to be a four book series comprised of Cinder, Scarlet, Cress and Winter, but now the series is getting a fifth book.

And for once we’re totally cool with that!

The newest addition in question will be entitled Fairest and is a prequel story centered around the nefarious Lunar Queen Levana, who was inspired by the Evil Queen from Snow White.

Meyer says that the story will follow Levana from age 15 to 25 (ending a decade before the beginning of Cinder) and will explain just how Levana got to be so evil.

As Meyer herself revealed, “she’s showing signs of crazy, but in large part that’s because she’s grown up in a really poisonous household and she has a very cruel older sister who’s been mentally and physically abusive to her her whole life.”

“By the time she’s 15, she’s already having a lot of issues, but it’s really at that point in her life that’s the first big moments of the book that start her true downward spiral to becoming truly evil.”

It will also feature some back story about young Cinder and Winter along with Dr. Erland and provide some information about important turning points in the series’ finale Winter.

Fairest is due out on January 27, 2015 and the series will reach its conclusion in November of that same year with Winter, a retelling of Snow White.

(via: USA Today)

It’s finally happening, the Wizarding World of Harry Potter Diagon Alley expansion will officially be opening to the public on July 8th!

Rejoice with your fizzing whizbees, your blibbering humdingers, your toothflossing stringmints, your Harrys and your Potters.

We don’t know about you guys but we definitely have a trip planned to see this very very soon.

So what do guests have in store for them?

• Interactive wands are available for purchase from Ollivanders that can be used throughout the park to perform magic on shop window displays and other locations
• Exchange real money for wizarding money from some grumpy goblins at Gringotts
• Eat butterbeer ice cream and enjoy some traditional British fare at the Leaky Cauldron
• Drink special on tap beers such as the Wizard’s Brew and Dragon Scale
• More drinks will be available at Eternelle’s Elixir of Refreshment, including the Draught of Peace, Babbling Beverage, Elixir to Induce Euphoria and Fire Protection Potion
• Ride new rides and visit new shops like Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts
• There’s also that motherfucking dragon!!!
• A stage show will feature performances from The Tales of Beedle the Bard as well as performances by Celestina Warbeck and the Banshees

Head over to On Wednesdays We Wear Pink to check out more photos of the Diagon Alley landmarks, including the Knight Bus, 12 Grimmauld Place, the Eros Fountain in Piccadilly Circus and the entrance to King’s Cross station.

Is it July yet?

(via: Hypable)

Fans of the Song of Ice and Fire series (like ourselves) waited with baited breath for a big final scene to play out during the “Game of Thrones” Season 4 finale, but sadly it never came.

And it may never come.

Just like winter. And Dany’s dragons. And those white walkers. And the last two books in the series.

WARNING: There are spoilers for the end of A Storm of Swords below. Read the epilogue first and then get back to us.

You have been warned.

Spoilers.

Are.

Coming.

To sum things up: we eagerly awaited the arrival of Lady Stoneheart, AKA the resurrected Catelyn Stark — basically just a revenge seeking BAMF who would have ended the season finale with a shocking bang. But we didn’t get her.

Even scarier? According to actress Michelle Fairley, we may never get her.

When asked about the decision to leave Catelyn’s return out of Season 4, Fairley replied, “Yeah, the character’s dead. She’s dead.”

“You respect the writers’ decision. I knew the arc, and that was it. They can’t stick to the books 100 percent. It’s impossible—they only have 10 hours per season. They have got to keep it dramatic and exciting, and extraneous stuff along the way gets lost in order to maintain the quality of brilliant show.”

Silly us expecting actual material from the books to be represented. 20,000 more minutes of fabricated Bran plot lines please.

(via: the Mary Sue)

Oh happy day (oh happy day), when Bryan Fuller wrote (when Bryan Fuller wrote) all our favorite shows (oh happy day)!

News hit the internet today that Bryan Fuller will work as a showrunner (alongside Michael Green) on the Neil Gaiman book turned television series “American Gods,” set to air on Starz.

Fuller will write the script for the pilot and he and Green will serve as executive producers (along with Gaiman).

Said the Starz managing producer of the news:

“American Gods” is a project that deserves to be made. With our partners at FremantleMedia and with Bryan, Michael and Neil, we believe we can create a series that honors the book and does right by the fans and viewers.

Added Gaiman:

When you create something like “American Gods,” which attracts fans and obsessives and people who tattoo quotes from it on themselves or each other, and who all, tattooed or not, just care about it deeply, it’s really important to pick your team carefully: you don’t want to let the fans down, or the people who care and have been casting it online since the dawn of recorded history. What I love most about the team who I trust to take it out to the world, is that they are the same kind of fanatics that “American Gods” has attracted since the start. I haven’t actually checked Bryan Fuller or Michael Green for quote tattoos, but I would not be surprised if they have them.

The people at Fremantle are the kinds of people who have copies of “American Gods” in the bottom of their backpacks after going around the world, and who press them on their friends. And the team at Starz have been quite certain that they wanted to give Shadow, Wednesday and Laura a home since they first heard that the book was out there. I can’t wait to see what they do to bring the story to the widest possible audience able to cope with it.

Concluded Fuller:

Neil Gaiman has created the holiest of holy toy boxes with “American Gods” and filled it with all manner of magical thing, born of new gods and old. Michael Green and I are thrilled to crack this toy box wide open and unleash the fantastical titans of heaven and earth and Neil’s vividly prolific imagination.

For those of you not in the know, Fuller created the uber-fabulous “Hannibal,” “Pushing Daisies,” “Wonderfalls” and “Dead Like Me.”

There is currently no projected air date for “American Gods” but hey, at least there’s finally some forward momentum. Optimism!

(via: Rickey)

That thing you’ve been wanting to happen has finally happened: Pottermore is relevant! We kid, we kid.

Except we totally don’t.

All joking aside, a big, giant, huge thing happened today! Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling released a brand new short story about an older Harry Potter and company on her interactive website Pottermore!!!

Rowling has been writing various new material for the site over the years (including a whole bunch of things about Quidditch) and today she rewarded us for still being on Pottermore with a story about the now adult wizards.

Albeit a story masquerading as a Daily Prophet gossip column. Written by Rita Skeeter of course.

Have no fear Potter fans, while Harry might be about to turn 34 in the real world, Skeeter tells us that he still insists on wearing “the distinctive round glasses that some might say are better suited to a style-deficient twelve-year-old.”

You can read the short on Pottermore right now! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?! That last line is killing us! Could it be?

(via: Pottermore)

The Queen of the Tearling by Erika Johansen

On her nineteenth birthday, Princess Kelsea Raleigh Glynn, raised in exile, sets out on a perilous journey back to the castle of her birth to ascend her rightful throne. Plain and serious, a girl who loves books and learning, Kelsea bears little resemblance to her mother, the vain and frivolous Queen Elyssa. But though she may be inexperienced and sheltered, Kelsea is not defenseless: Around her neck hangs the Tearling sapphire, a jewel of immense magical power; and accompanying her is the Queen’s Guard, a cadre of brave knights led by the enigmatic and dedicated Lazarus. Kelsea will need them all to survive a cabal of enemies who will use every weapon—from crimson-caped assassins to the darkest blood magic—to prevent her from wearing the crown.

Despite her royal blood, Kelsea feels like nothing so much as an insecure girl, a child called upon to lead a people and a kingdom about which she knows almost nothing. But what she discovers in the capital will change everything, confronting her with horrors she never imagined. An act of singular daring will throw Kelsea’s kingdom into tumult, unleashing the vengeance of the tyrannical ruler of neighboring Mortmesne: the Red Queen, a sorceress possessed of the darkest magic. Now Kelsea will begin to discover whom among the servants, aristocracy, and her own guard she can trust.

But the quest to save her kingdom and meet her destiny has only just begun—a wondrous journey of self-discovery and a trial by fire that will make her a legend…if she can survive.

The Queen of the Tearling introduces readers to a world as fully imagined and terrifying as that of The Hunger Games, with characters as vivid and intriguing as those of The Game of Thrones, and a wholly original heroine. Combining thrilling action and twisting plot turns, it is a magnificent debut from the talented Erika Johansen.

WHY WE’RE EXCITED: We must admit, we were intrigued by the hype machine with this one. Particularly that the author garnered a seven figure book deal for a series inspired by A Song of Ice and Fire with a female empowerment stance and a side of Barack Obama. What does that even mean?

Landline by Rainbow Rowell

Georgie McCool knows her marriage is in trouble. That it’s been in trouble for a long time. She still loves her husband, Neal, and Neal still loves her, deeply — but that almost seems besides the point now.

Maybe that was always besides the point.

Two days before they’re supposed to visit Neal’s family in Omaha for Christmas, Georgie tells Neal that she can’t go. She’s a TV writer, and something’s come up on her show; she has to stay in Los Angeles. She knows that Neal will be upset with her — Neal is always a little upset with Georgie — but she doesn’t expect to him to pack up the kids and go home without her.

When her husband and the kids leave for the airport, Georgie wonders if she’s finally done it. If she’s ruined everything.

That night, Georgie discovers a way to communicate with Neal in the past. It’s not time travel, not exactly, but she feels like she’s been given an opportunity to fix her marriage before it starts . . .

Is that what she’s supposed to do?

Or would Georgie and Neal be better off if their marriage never happened?

WHY WE’RE EXCITED: Time travel? Feelings? Rainbow Rowell? Need we say more? Sign us up!

The Girl from the Well by Rin Chupeco

You may think me biased, being murdered myself. But my state of being has nothing to do with the curiosity toward my own species, if we can be called such. We do not go gentle, as your poet encourages, into that good night.

A dead girl walks the streets.

She hunts murderers. Child killers, much like the man who threw her body down a well three hundred years ago.

And when a strange boy bearing stranger tattoos moves into the neighborhood so, she discovers, does something else. And soon both will be drawn into the world of eerie doll rituals and dark Shinto exorcisms that will take them from American suburbia to the remote valleys and shrines of Aomori, Japan.

Because the boy has a terrifying secret – one that would just kill to get out.

The Girl from the Well is A YA Horror novel pitched as “Dexter” meets “The Grudge”, based on a well-loved Japanese ghost story.

WHY WE’RE EXCITED: Did you read the creepy, atmospheric-sounding synopsis? You must not have read it.

The Magician’s Land by Lev Grossman

In The Magician’s Land, the stunning conclusion to the New York Times bestselling Magicians trilogy—on-sale from Viking on August 5—Quentin Coldwater has been cast out of Fillory, the secret magical land of his childhood dreams. With nothing left to lose he returns to where his story be­gan, the Brakebills Preparatory College of Magic. But he can’t hide from his past, and it’s not long before it comes looking for him.

Along with Plum, a brilliant young under­graduate with a dark secret of her own, Quentin sets out on a crooked path through a magical demi­monde of gray magic and desperate characters. But all roads lead back to Fillory, and his new life takes him to old haunts, like Antarctica, and to buried secrets and old friends he thought were lost for­ever. He uncovers the key to a sorcery masterwork, a spell that could create magical utopia, a new Fillory—but casting it will set in motion a chain of events that will bring Earth and Fillory crashing together. To save them he will have to risk sacrific­ing everything.

The Magician’s Land is an intricate thriller, a fantastical epic, and an epic of love and redemp­tion that brings the Magicians trilogy to a magnifi­cent conclusion, confirming it as one of the great achievements in modern fantasy. It’s the story of a boy becoming a man, an apprentice becoming a master, and a broken land finally becoming whole.

WHY WE’RE EXCITED: It’s the final book in the adult Harry Potter series by arm-wrestling champion Lev Grossman!